Flour Bluff H.S. Gay/Str8 Alliance: The "Nikki Peet Needs Ass" Club

Nikki Peet: She ain't got no alibi.

Corpus Christi, TX-
     In what seems to have ignited a firestorm of national controversy, the least attractive student in the world/at Flour Bluff High School was denied permission to start a Gay/Straight Alliance Support Group. "Do you know how tough it is to get laid in this town?  Do you? I'm the least attractive person ever, AND a lesbian.  Talk about a real-life FML situation over here!" says Nikki Peet, 19.
  
     "I wanted to create a place to go where I would feel comfortable in my own skin. My own oily, acne infested, hormonally imbalanced, pungent teenage skin." Peet said in a disturbingly personal interview with La Bandera.  "Have you ever kissed with tounge?" asked Peet.

Dr. Julie Carbajal:
"I want these kids to hump each other
as much as the next guy, but let's
keep a decent gene pool going."

     At the center of the controversy is Flour Bluff ISD Superintendent Dr. Julie Carbajal, who cancelled all extracurricular clubs at the school after the Gay/Straight Alliance Club was denied permission to meet on campus.  "This has nothing to do with being gay or straight." says Carbajal.  "The fact remains that this club is being founded by the worst possible specimen of lesbianism, ever. I mean, we have way hotter lesbians here. The club itself not the problem. No one wants to tap that ass." says Carbajal, pointing to Peet's Facebook photos.

     Peet is not happy about the decision that denied her club from organizing on campus. She argues her club is comparable to other extracurricular activities at the school. "The Fellowship of Christian Athletes meet here every Wednesday.  Just because those guys have 6 pack abs and amazing biceps and pecs doesn't give them any more right to assemble than me and my twerpy, awkward friends." "In fact, some of the guys from my club really want the FCA to join forces with us." says Peet about integrating the two groups. "We have also invited the girl's basketball and softball teams. We are a group of inclusion. We need more members. Lots of members. Get it? Do you get it?" asks Peet.

Zach Nelson (far right) and Matt Kirkland (middle)
lead the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at Flour Bluff HS
"even though they are probably all pumping on each other
afterwards." says Dr. Carbajal.

  
     Superintendent Carbajal remains firm on her decision to suspend all extracurricular activities until further notice.  "This wouldn't be an issue if, let's say, the Kieshnick Twins started the group.  They're the hottest lesbian twin sisters we have had in at least 6 years. If Zach Nelson or let's say Matt Kirkland wanted to start a group and call it 'Bi-Dudes Just Hanging Out Without Their Shirts On That Are Kind Of Sweaty Too,' I would be ok with that. I would be a sponsor and a chaperone." says Carbajal. "Honestly, I want a Gay/Straight Alliance Group here on campus after hours. I want as many of them crammed into a tiny, hot, dark room as possible. I would support an overnight lock-in to ease sexual difference tensions." says Carbajal.

ACLU attorney Taylor Dunbar:
"I look like Seinfeld right
before he sneezes, but constantly."

     The story has garnered national media attention and even the support of the American Civil Liberties Union.  The ACLU has sent a letter to Flour Bluff ISD demanding the Gay/Straight Alliance group be instated by March 9th, 2011, or the school district can expect a lawsuit. "We are known for being the most unattractive people in the world, and we support Nikki Peet and her right to get banged like any other teenager in high school. We know it's an uphill battle, but our team is determined to get her laid... like concrete." says Taylor Dunbar, a high profile ACLU lawyer and hideous lesbian in her own right.