Friday, October 29, 2010

Brent Chesney: "Plz Vote 4 me k thx"

-Corpus Christi, TX

"Vote 4 me 2day LOL"-
Chesney sends mass text
to everyone he knows.
In what seems to be a last ditch effort of campaigning, Corpus Christi Councilman Brent Chesney (R) contacted the La Bandera offices last week requesting a last minute interview for the blog.  Chesney is taking aim at a spot as the Judge for County Court at Law #5, currently handled by Judge Terry Shamsie (D).  "Wnt 2 talk 2 u bout intrvw. txt me bk asap :)"  said Chesney via text message.  A portion of the interview is published here at the request of Mr. Chesney.

La Bandera:  sup?
Brent Chesney:  nm, got alot on my mind rite now. shamsie is a d-bag!
La Bandera:  for real, dude. what u gonna do?
Brent Chesney: dunno yet. prob take some of his signs dwn. hahhaha jk jk
La Bandera: LOL thats messed up
Brent Chesney: nah so what up tonitw
Brent Chesney: tonite*
La Bandera: chillin u?
Brent Chesney: at city councl mtg.  sux! hold on someone is asking me a ?
Brent Chesney: dude this is bullsht!!!!
La Bandera: what?
Brent Chesney: fkn Nelda being a beyotchhh rite now
La Bandera: whuuut.  she jus mad cause she got a white perm!
Brent Chesney: HHAHAHHA for real!!! she is the mexican arsenic Hall
Brent Chesney: *Arsenio... fkn iPhone autocorrect!
La Bandera: haha yeah i was all whut? arsenic? 
Brent Chesney: dude that screwed up my joke
Brent Chesney: g2g. rayz game tonight. hit me up tmrw. talk bout elction
La Bandera: wordddd

"I love the children.  Oh, sick!
Not in that way, you guys!"
Shamsie gets ready for another
day on the bench.
Most cases filed in County Court 5 involve cases dealing with family law.  Child Protective Services has cases in the court, and juveniles are tried for their various offenses.  Some say current Judge Terry Shamsie is just too soft on the juveniles, who have offenses ranging from petty theft to grand theft auto, and everywhere imaginable inbetween.  "Hey there.  Vote for me because I'll do a great job," Shamsie whispered softly into a voters ear, while campaigning outside the Center For The Deaf.  "Can I have  hug?" he asked the elderly woman on her way to vote.  "I just love hugs.  I'd hug anyone, really.  Anyone in the whooooole wide world," said Shamsie, ever so delicately and softy.  Terry Shamsie, although a quiet, mousy, little beady-eyed man is known to be one of the most brilliant minds in County Government.   "I got a lot up top, some say?  Well, gee, that's nice.  Makes me feel as fuzzy as my cardigan, " chuckled the savant-like Judge.  

"Just add a stick of butter, yall!"
Nelda Martinez says in her Halloween
costume.  "I'm going as Mexican Paula Deen!"

"Dude what a p***y LOLZZZZZ!" said Chesney after hearing of the interview, late Friday night.  "Deaf ppl cant vote. AM I RIGHT!!!! jk jk jk jk."  "Dude needs 2 be hardcore. kids are effing up the town rite now >:(" said Chesney, sternly.  Chesney promises to be tough on juvenile crime, while Shamsie steers away from harsh punishment.  

"We have done studies that boot camps are ineffective.  Recidivism rates are too high for such programs to be considered effective.  Families are torn apart for months, sometimes a year at a time, yet we achieve nothing," said Shamsie, while feeding marshmallows by hand to a group of high school football players caught for savagely disfiguring a female student at a late night party.  "Who am I to take them away from their families and destroy that sacred entity?" pondered Shamsie.  

Chesney promises to be less lenient.  "I'll beat they azz!" says Chesney.  "I hate graffit. hate car punks/steal sh*t. stab/shoot? u die for that in my court." "Black white meskin dont care. every1 going down. f that. im cleaning this pl up. im crazy rite now." "*mexican srry,"Chesney apologetically corrected about the obviously racial slur, that is still sort of racist anyways.  

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