Guy Williams: Nice Guy, Sh*tty Dog

A Special La Bandera Open Letter (printed with permission):

You better listen up, Guy Williams, and listen up good!  If you think you can keep getting away with all you have done up until now, you are severely mistaken.  Listen, I have tried to reason with you and your much younger wife.  Francis and I even invited you over a few times for Bar-Be-Que and even the "Big Game."  But honestly, I can't take it anymore!  You just don't seem to get it, and I'm fed up with the baloney!

(L to R) Evelyn,  Guy, and The Fudge Factory.

You know what I'm talking about you S.O.B.  I'm talking about that poor little excuse for a dog you got running around the neighborhood, terrorizing the good folks of Barracuda Lane.  Your little low life mangey mutt has been sh*tting in my yard for 5 months now, and you ain't even picked up a dang t*rd in the last 4 of those months!  You think you're all big now, huh?  Hot shot? More like Hot Sh*t in the palm of my hand from pickin' up your dang dog's little brownie bits off my Bermuda grass.  Now I got a good mind to just call the pound on his punk a** and be done with it.  How would you and Evelyn like them apples, Guy?  Handle your business! D*mnit!

Now, I never said a dang thing about you parking that ugly, good for nothing, skimmer boat out in the front driveway, when you dang well know that ain't allowed by the association.  You show off all the dang time when you drive up in your gold Chevy Lumina, thinkin' like your sh*t don't stink parkin' on the street, (cause your dang skimmer takes up the driveway), more than 8 inches from the dang curb, so everyone going home, after a long days work, has to wait out oncoming traffic just to get home.  I never said a dang thing about it.  Well, I got news for you.  Screw you, Guy Williams.  You and that piece of crap dog of yours can go to He** in a handbasket.

Guy Williams and a recent rescue from GCHS.
"Bobo" to add 56 lbs of "fertilizer" to my wife's
crepe myrtles over the next year.

Just the other day Francis saw your "sweet little" Fifi lay 3 warm Tootsie Rolls in her gardenias.  Now, if I were a less civilized man, I'd slap the sh*t out of you, but not Fifi.  I ain't slappin' nothing out of her,  seein' as she's probably runnin' on empty from all the t*rds she's been droppin' IN MY DANG YARD.  C'mon man!  C'mon!

I know you think you're a big time attorney, with them big time politicals going on down there, but you gotta think about someone else for a change.  Im tired of finding little dried up Bon Bons on my welcome mat after I get back from 2 weeks in the field, and the first thing I do is put my heel in that chocolate puddin' after I take off my work boots!  What the f*ck is that, Guy Williams! Seriously!   Listen, I'm gonna take a breath here.

Now, you got alot going on, Guy.  We've been neighbors for 17 years, and I know you worked hard to get to where you're at now.  But please, Guy.  For the love of God, and as a fellow Lutheran.  We know each other.  Please get your dang dog to quit leaving her chocolate easter eggs on my property.

Your Neighbor,

Brent Chesney

P.S. Who did your signs?  They look like sh*t.