Profiles: Banales; The Bandito on the Bench

-Corpus Christi, Texas

Artist's depiction of incident involving
105th District Court Judge Manuel Banales
and TXDOT early Tuesday.

After what seemed like an endless tirade of profanities and quite the dramatic posturing, peppered with simple assault, and what may have been an attempt at arson, Judge Manuel Banales learned today that his Texas Department Of Transportation issued Driver's/Rabbit Hunting License has been revoked.  "There must be some mistake!  This is PREPOSTEROUS, I say, PREPOST-ERRONEOUS, uh huh!!" said Banales, to the TXDOT female clerk.

"Do you know who I am, dear?  Im the roughest-toughest-He-Man-stuffest hombre, thats ever crossed the Rio Grand-ay and I demand to speak to your supervisor!"  Banales said after unsuccessfully attempting to shoot the clerk, but instead drew a banana from his holster. "I'm the rootenist-tootenist cowboy boot-enist, and I ain't talkin' bout no Mahatma Ghand-eye..." said Banales as he was taken into custody under the suspicion of Disorderly Conduct, Public Intoxication, Assault on a Public Servant, Attempting to Discharge a Banana in a Public Place, and Disturbing The Peace.  Banales was released shortly thereafter, and proper charges have yet to be filed.

"License? We don't need no stinkin' license..."
Banales on recently revoked privileges. 

Banales, one of the region's longest standing Judges, and one of the nation's worst rabbit hunters was in for a suprise when his driver's/killer's license was not renewed on October 19, in what must have been a crippling blow to the morale of the aging Judge.  With upcoming elections, Judge Manuel Banales find himself in a predicament.  Senior political analyst Homero Villarreal remains optimistic.  "He can't drive for sh*t, and he can't kill varmints for sh*t, but I still believe in him."  says Villarreal about the "dern galoot."

Hernandez: F*cking pissed.

His opponent in the upcoming elections for the 105th District Court position is the quite talented and extremely intelligent Angelica Hernandez.  Hernandez is also quick to point out Banales' spending rampage, where in one instance, incumbent Judge Banales orders new law books every year to the tune of $6000 annually.  "Would you say I have a PLETHORA of law books?  What is wrong with wanting to know the law?  Laws change everyday." retorts Banales about the books, that are viewed online for a fraction of the cost by everyone else in the whole-entire-wide-world.  "Do you know what a plethora is, Homero?" asks Banales, accusatorially. Also of note, wife Peggy Banales comes under scrutiny for having championed and ordered the extensive remodeling of a Nueces County courtroom, which is now so large, it is now more of a burden to staff amidst county cutbacks.  Nicknamed the Taj Mahal, the courtroom remains mostly unused, much to taxpayers dismay.

"He runs over people for f*cks sake.  Are you people insane?  He f*cking runs people over.  In his car.  I even heard one guy was retarded!" said opponent Angelica Hernandez in a telephone interview with La Bandera.

Political blogger/Banales supporter/
Terrible speller/Generally unhygienic: Homero Villarreal 

The Banales camp is quick to reply.  "My husband is a good man.  He runs over people.  So f*cking what?  One of them was retarded? Oh, for f*cks sake.  Give us a break.  What do you expect from us?  We're normal people.  He just happens to drive like complete sh*t.  He's practically an 80 year old woman." says wife Peggy Banales.

Citizens of Nueces County were outraged to hear that all victims of Judge Manuel Banales sh*tty driving were paid over $50,000 each from Nueces County funds.  Taxpayers were kept in the dark about footing the bill for Banales' accidents that were never investigated as alcohol related.  No field sobriety tests or breath analysis were ordered or utilized.  "Oh you're f*cking kidding me, right?!" says Republican challenger Angelica Hernandez and about 250,000 other freaking people after learning of the ordeal.

Rare footage of Judge Banales' Tuesday afternoon drive.

"Can someone just take the keys away, for the love of God?" Hernandez begs.  "He can't stop.  He won't!" says Hernandez, pulling out her hair and crying, seeming almost angry at God.  When questioned of the incidents, Banales remained confindent.  "I'm Judge Banales! I do what I want!  I have for 24 years, and ain't noone gonna f*ckin stop me!" said Banales as he fired two pistols in the air, hopped into a stolen Camaro and ran-over sh*tloads of more people.  -La Bandera